27th May 2003

(continued from previous post dated 23rd Dec '05)
Twenty one days had passed after I had 'met' her. On the morning of 27th May
that year, I received this mail :


lea - R,This is my last mail to you. There are problems in my life which I cannot
sort out by continuing to write to you. hate me if you want to (I know you wont),
call me anything you want, but thats how it has to be. I amnot going to explain
at length as to what went wrong suddenly, i just realised things havent been
right for quite some time, and this is the only way. Please dont sms me or call me.
But i would want just one last mail from you, just to know that its really over. M....
P.S. - I have lost the right to ask for anything, but if ever I write to you in the
future, will you reply ? I hope you will coz you have been a grt grt friend ,more
than i could ever have expected, u gave wings to my imaginations, u were all i
could have asked for in a friend. I am not going to talk abt ur loss...I simply dont
have the right.



Epilogue :
Yes, it was a shock for me but no, I didn't send her the mail which she had asked
for. Instead, the following month when I went to Calcutta, I went straight to her
office and sought a meeting in person. She was pleasantly surprised and both of
us spent few awkward moments trying to fathom the person in front. After all, we
hadn't even exchanged photos but luckily the template of imagination didnt fare too
badly! She made some attempts to explain her situation and confided a desire to
meet me one more time. A cup of tea later I was gone from her life leaving behind
a handwritten note containing things which perhaps had remained unsaid in all
this while and wishing her the best in life............

The R-Factor

(continued frm previous post dated 19th December '05)
A new week had commenced. And new problems had surfaced.
This time in the form of network connectivity, server glitches....
all of which form such a vital essence to the cohesive arrangement
of long-distance thoughts! Emergency measures had to be
adopted and I somehow felt it absolutely necessitated a few caveats.



kband - Ufffffffffff, aami ki haasbo na kaandbo, naki...(taar upaye
nei)...kothai ekta bhalo gaan shuntey bollam in response to your
peculiar abdaar, taar to roshta upobhog korlei na, on top of that
you have raised some other serious doubts!!!!!!!!!!
Na, eei line-e beshi egiye laabh nei, tumi to abaar simple,
innocent, gullible, boka meye amaar:-))
so that's what u are - an avid listener of all kinds of utpatang
stories even from the compounder! looks like i have quite a lot of
fabrication to do just to keep you relaxed and in your senses :-)
if lizards horrify you, what about cockroaches ? i like to catch
these creepy crawlies and put them inside dresses, the kind of
convulsions they can create is good fun to watch...i mean the poor
creatures...its so funny ...they just can't find their way out...hahaha
i know that u r getting so disgusted that u want nothing to do with
such queers like me. ok so as long as u cool off a bit, let me grab a
bite...



lea - heeheeheeheeheeheehee !!! etai to cheyechilam hahahaha!!
ooof koto jeno raag holo. achcha shotti shotti ek din khoob rege
jaabe haan ? tarpor aami tomar raag-ta bhangabo kemon ?
heeheehee, tumi bhabcho, abaar palate parle bachi, ki pagol meye
re baba, er abdaar to bedei choleche.
cockroaches, ooh they were nightmares once. but after doing
some dissections in class 12, the morbid fear was somewhat
dissipated. but when they fly, they scare the hell out of me. AND
DONT EVEN THINK OF DOING ANYTHING OF THE SORT U
MENTIONED !!!!!!!!! I WILL SIMPLY KILL U !! And of course i
would also die of a heart attack, babare jamaar modhdhe aarshola
....amaar kanna pachche.
tomar simple dimple mail-ta peyechi, replied also.M....hothat
office id-ta reveal korle keno ?
***********************************************************
u r a trickster thats what u r.............playing with words..........god
only knows how u get to write this way..............though i hate u for
this, i cant help but admire........not in silence though !! hats off dear
(ooh, can i write this to ur off mail id ?)



kband - jeta bojhatey chai kintu konodino boltey chaina, sheta ek
nimeshey bujhey newar eto agroho keno tomaar? sagorer baluka-
belaye ekta naam likhtey kiser tobey eto byastota jokhon jaano
dheu-er aghaatey shob muchchey jaabeyi? haraano surer khojey
ojanar uddeshey pari deowar tobey proyojon-ta ki? eei jiggasar
uttor ki taholey jibon noi??? ja sohojey bujhtey para jai, shetai
shudhu jibon, aar jeta ek nibir onabil anonder obujh onubhuti, ta
keno jibon hotey parey na?????
No one is stupid or immature M, we are just fallible human beings.



lea - so how have u been. read that mail of urs in yahoo, ota ki
obhimaan bole bhab-bo ?



kband - oshob mitthye - lies, lies and damn lies!



lea - khoob miththe badi hoye gecho. problem-ta ki jaano, aami
ei shotti mithther modhdhe jodiye podte chai na. tomar mail-gulo
podte bhalo laage, tomar shaathe onek kichu share korte paari,
common onek interests ache amaader, tai likhi.....why am i
writing all this.............too many explanations need to be given to
so many...........i am sick of the complicacies.........



kband - Maybe it's time to remind you once again that you are
taking a huge "R"isk in doing what you are doing, i.e. using the
office email as your private chat-room:-) Big brother may be
watching and you can soon get into a much bigger mess than
you had bargained for! Rest assured that I would proclaim that I
was sincerely making an effort to add some zing into a drooping
system with the help of some consultants, but never knew that in
order to clinch the deal they would start offering me incentives like
"adding dimples"!!!!
I too maybe taking a much bigger "R"isk - if I let you know about
all the bengali song download sites, very soon I'll be out of my
most-coveted job! But then Her "M"ajesty's wishes are my
commands and I have to meekly give in (as always), otherwise
ki shob aagun taagun joley jabey, so try
a) www.barnamala.com (a veritable treasure-trove for bengalis)
b) ektara.aamibangali.com (a site developed by my namesake)
The biggest "R"isk of all lies in taking the Mother of All Risks,
which is.....what you are taking....



lea - R, tumi paroo bote ! oofff. its ok for me to mail from office,
we all do that, and believe me the kind of mails and material i
receive from my friends (though i never send such stuff from my
off id).....ur ears would go red (or may be not ) :-)) but yahoo is
better anyway, i could write anything.
Thanks for the site.......i'll download all my fav songs in my home
comp. and dont worry u'll never be out of work.......i've got other
things for u :-))
And now, u r going to explain me in simple terms "whatis the
Mother of all Risks that i am taking ?" No, no evading this question!
tomake bojhatei hobe, nahole shotti aagun lege jaabe kintu. aami
bhishon raagi jano to? M



kband - Fire!!! it's bush-fire, really. i mean the kind that prez bush
took in trying to eliminate saddam :-) it all seems for a good cause,
making all kinds of daring moves purely guided by instincts, making
own set of rules and have things their way......but was there any
devastation left in its wake? the smouldering flames can cause a
great deal of collateral damage and once ignited can they be doused??



lea - Hmmmm, let me admit i understood everything you were
trying to say in your last mail itself.....just wanted to hear it from
you. I realise all this....and guess its time to straighten things
before further damage is done. i'll be careful. my stupidity,
immaturity, and whatever it is...can cause damage to many
(rather has been causing), and i certainly do not want that.
This isnt a game, not child's play, this is life . Hell, i hope its not
too late. Thanks a lot, R. U've been a true friend ! Thanks.


(to be continued)

Oh Calcutta

(continued from previous post dated 9th Dec)
The romance of nostalgia kept coming back to me through her
words, her interests....She asked me on the phone if I'd been to the
famed Coffee House - the hallowed portals of Bengali intelligentsia.


kband - sorry M, shei soubhagyo aamar hoyni. jodio college street
onekbaar gechchi, tobu kokhono adda marbar sujog hoyni. heard
that the old-world charm is not there anymore, maybe calcutta
has lost its sheen as the intellectual capital...but that manna dey
song "coffee house-er addata aaj aar nei..." perhaps can give a
picture of what it was like during its heydays in the 60s and 70s....



lea - Dhett teri ! tumi-o jaoni ? aami to bhabchilem(mail-er subject
ta dekhe) je aar hoyto coffee house jete hobe na, tomar mail podei
shei onubhuti ta hoye jaabe. jak tobu bhalo ei ekta jinish-e tomake
maat dite parlam, na hole tumi to calcutta-r shob special jinish
guloi jaano aar ami kichchu janina :-) bhabchi ek baar ghure ashbo,
pore janina shujog hobe kina ? manna dey-r gaanta shunechi go,
bhishon bhalo laage. shei jonnei to aaro beshi kore jete chai.



kband - I don't know why your mails came so late - both recd
around 7.30 PM. I was beginning to get worried about you and
others....unless you mailed me, I just couldn't find out anything.
How'z ur fiance's father now? I should not have said such a thing
that I did that day..and don't you ever fight with anybody again,
otherwise I'll be forced to join ranks against you:-)
Whoever has told you to digest my profile, don't you have anything
better to chew on? I'm not as fit and athletic as I like to be, or
probably what I was when I was 27, and I've started putting on
weight at the inappropriate places. I was beginning to get
motivated to do some early-morning jogging in an effort to get
back into my "profile" before I went to Calcutta, but then....
You are responsible for nothing, M. Please banish such dark
thoughts from your mind coz it would always trouble your
conscience. There must've been some pent-up feelings which
needed some release, so after you've let it pass everything can
be normal once again. Like my mobile, which has got charged up
today (sent you an SMS, did you receive?), so Cheers!
Did you know we had shila-brishti today? Managed to pick up some
of them and felt them melt into the hands...these kind of pleasures
are beyond compare...you must be thinking I've become senile or
something! Tomorrow there's a Griho-probesh nemontonno and
shall be away most of the day. Do write back and let me know about
your encounter with the dentist:-)



lea - Uff, ei hoyeche jaala, tomar mail na ashle amaar chinta bade,
and vica versa :-)) jak baba, tomar mail-gulo peye mone shosti
pelam, jaano kal shondhe obdhi khoob koshto pachchilam, tar por
hothat tomar sms-ta peye gelam. Ki bolbo tomake, ki je bhalo laglo
....theek tomar oi shila brishti-r moto!!
dentist-er kotha bhebe eke to tension-e chilam, theek shei shomoy
tomar sms.........ki mone holo jaano.........jeno khoob ador kore keu
likheche jaate aami bhoy na payi...jore heshe felechilam ota pode,
tomake theek bojhate parbona.........ekta dhonnobad chada aar kichu
bolte parchina uttore. baakita tumi bujhe niyo.
achcha baba achcha aami karur shonge jhogda korbona....shudhu
tomar shonge korbo theek ache to :-)) My fiance's father is much
better now, thanks for asking. oh so many more things are coming
out ofthe closet........now its ur fitness level which is phoney !!! u
better shape up ok ? And as far as coming to calcutta and.............
whatever u left blank....sheta dekha jaabe. amaar-i jokhon shob
daye (tumi to kotobaar bolecho shob dosh-i amaar), tokhon etao
amaar-i opor thaak na ? let me not confuse u further...somehow i
have a feeling u understood me.
jao grihoprobesh-e enjoy kore asho....i mean okhane tomar chokher
khide -ta mitbe hoyto(peter khide to tomar nei bollei hoi ;-))well, if
u r senile, so am i, shekhanei to amaader meel. u know i have done
the same thing so many times. when i went to US, and saw snow for
the first time in my life, i had taken a ball of snow in my hands and
felt it melt.........i know exactly how u would have felt. in fact one of
my friends in india had asked me to make a snow ball, and throw it,
on his behalf, coz he had never seen it snow, and i did it for him. so
who's the crazy one around?
the dentist was very sweet (na tomar moto noy, so dont be jealous).
onek golpo folpo jude dilo amaake thanda korar jonno. aami to kede
kete ekakkar. tar por comopunder amaake dater shopno topno niye
ki shob bollo, he told me he had dreamt abt a big tooth chasing him
etc etc. chotto bachchader oshob golpo shonale hashe, aami
hashchilam, shobai hashchilo hehehehehe !!! aar baba re more than
the root canal, it were 2 lizards which scared the hell out of me, they
were running around on the wall, playing with each other and my
life too !!! o god !
aaj tahole ei porjontoi.......ke jaane hoyto abaar bikele tomake
birokto korbo (otuku odhikar to amaar achei). aar ekta kotha.....
kolkata ashar aage amaake kintu janio (aar kichchu jiggesh koro na),
tar por dekha jaabe. tata.....M.......(aar ekbaar chotto khuki bolo to,
khoob bhalo laage).



kband - bishom khelaam aar ki!! sarakkhon jodi ekjon yaad korte
thake, tobey er cheye bhalo aar kichchu jutbey naki?:-)) now don't
take this seriously, you know better than that, perhaps you can
take it with a pinch of salt. add some lassi to it which would help
you to cool down coz i know that temp has been rising over the
weekend ! let's look forward to a 'fatafati' week, and till i pack my
boss off to honolulu, you keep listening to this song
"...bondhur telephone-ey mon boshey na
jaanlar grill-ta te thekai matha
money hoi baba jeno bolchchey aamai
aai khuku aai, aai khuku aai...."



lea - Oh, tahole bishom tishom kheyecho ? khabei to, shotti shotti-i
to aami sarakkhon yaad korte thaki ! aboshsho tomar onno shokhi
rao yaad kore nishchoi (shob amaar shotin) tumi shiggir tomar boss
ke tadao, tar por fatafati ekta mail koro to, ek dom tomar typical
mirch masala style-e heheheh !!ei amaake khuku bolcho, tomake
baba bolbo naaki ebaar theke ;-)) amaake dakcho tumi ? ashbo
naaki dilli ?
Khuki.....


(to be continued)

Love....this feeling

(continued from previous post dated 17th Nov '05)
The thought of her being in pain caused a swell of emotions in
me and I wrote to her about my concern and wished her
enduring happiness and comfort. She may have been mildly
surprised.


lea - ba bah ! eto kichu !!!!!!!!!!amaar preme pode gele naaki?
heeheehehehee hahahahaha !!!u r sho shweet !!! thanks a lot
buddy. wish u also the same.



kband - M, aami jani tumi kebol ek morichika. jotoi kachey eshey
jawar bhaan koro na keno, tumi to asholey sudoor ek jogot-er
duronto protipholon matro! nimeshey bileen hoye jawai e
akorshoner chorom porinoti. tobu pothbhola ek pothik jokhon
jibon-trishnaye akul hoye othey, tokhon shei moher sommohon
taar protiti rondhrey rondhrey chheye jai, aar oleek obastob ek
aasha bookey niye shey chhootey choley shei taan-e.......
sukothin niyotir bondhon taakey ashtey prishthey jodiye dhorey,
porey shey jai thik-i, tobu shei sobujer probol haathchhani jeno
aar ekbaar uthey daranor shesh rosod-tuku jotate chai.........
rukkho prithibir uttopto baluka-shojjai pothik shudhu ek haath
badiye dei shunyotar dikey........



lea - Hey premikbor, dhatt bhool hoye gelo :-)hey pothikbor,
tomar daake kemone di shara.......mor kache je kichui nai,
tomare kemone kori udhdhar, tomar uttopto baluka shojja hoite?
aami to keboli ek shamanya naari, amaar to kichui nai.
baap re, amaar dara er beshi shahityo hobe na. aar aami to shoja
kothar manush. hmmmmm, tomar kotha gulo bujhte parchi, kintu
R, amaar to upay nei.....morichika na hoye amaar ki upay ache bolo?
shob-i to jaano.....shotti amaar debar kichui nei, shudhu okaron
hashi, ektu obhimaan, ektu raag....eshob chara aar ki dite pari bolo?
aar shudhu shudhu tomake maya-r jaale jodateo chai na. ki tumi
bhabo tumi-i jaano, aami oto bujhte pari na, tai bhoy hoy, kono
bhool kore phelchi na to, kono miththye asha dichchi na to tomai?
kono bhabei tomake aghaat dite chai na, tai bolchi, amar kaach
theke kichhu asha koro na......... bondhuttor urdhe jaowar amaar
kono upay nei. jaanina, ki shob likhe phellam, tried my best to
explain.........hope u will understand. aaj obdhi amaar ei shob lekha
keu bujhte pareni (imagine, people complain i write cryptic mails,
they havent read urs), well since u r more durbodhdho than me,
asha korchi tumi amaar kotha bujhe nebe.Tomar M........
P.S. - Ei shono, tomake ebaar mail-e shombhodhon ta Premik
bolei korbo bhabchi ! heheeheheehe !!!hahahaha!
****************************************************
Paaji kothakar, aami bhoy morchi, aar tumi ? phokla tokla
kichchu noy, amaar to notun daat hobe. phoklatumi !!!Ei shono,
aami tomake buro buro boli bole, plz kichu mone koro na, i
never mean to hurt u believe me. i just want to pull ur leg and
i think u know that. 27 or 37or 47, jai hok, tumi to tumi-i aar
shetai aami chai. jai ektu jhaalmuri kheye ashi, khide peye geche.
Ashbe naaki ?



kband - M name means 'satin' which means silky and that means
I'm soft and like sensual means of getting the meaning of things
which mean everything to me! I hope you have the means to
understand what I mean, don't you M? It's not a tongue-twister,
I know already you have enough oral problems which could get
further compounded with such gibberish. Then you'll start
contorting your sweet face as if you'd had a bitter pill and then
our nascent relationship could easily turn sour. It's only a feeble
attempt at breaking your stupor which you may have lapsed into
with those anaesthetic shots - so how'z it been, how many people
had to pin you down this time (maybe you yelled so loud that the
dentist could easily walk into your mouth:-)), are you still
benumbed....so why aren't you telling me???
The prayers are getting answered, woke up today to dark clouds
and soothing drizzle, still soaking it in, but tomaar dekha nai...
*******************************************************
ekta jinish jaani na - tumi sobai ke valentine's day-te golap pathao
keno ? onek maalir proyojon podechche :-)? will be going for a
presentation at 2pm, pls try mailing me before that..aar tomar
kono kothaye aami kokhono kichchcu kharap feel kori na, tai
boltey kono hesitate korbey na....aamar monta tomaar ontorongey
naholey probesh korey ki bhaabey M?



lea - Well, u already know that i didnt go to the dentist, so i am
not going to write anything abt that. oh so ur name means "silk"
haan ? Silk Smitha r u heheeheehee !!!!!!!! Oops, sorry, guess i
overdid it. okay lemme be serious. hmmmmmm, i was wondering
whether u could also tell me the meaning of my name, many people
have asked and i really didnt have an answer. So please dear R,
amaar namer meaning-ta ektu jodi bole dito paro bhalo hoy.
(my actual name not the shadher naam ja tumi diyecho)
Aar ki shob sensual fensual bolecho, aami oshob-er kichchu
bujhii na :-))
Why did u suddenly ask me abt the valentine roses? I need to
know.......there is a reason i am asking.....u got to tell me why
that came to ur mind. I am scared again R........y do u scare me?
The second after getting that mail of urs, someone in the next
cubicle was talking abt valentine's day and roses, i dont know
if its some mail which is doing its round on the net or a sheer
coincidence which made this topic come up at this time of the
year, from 2 completely different sources, and why i should be
the listener to both........God u scare me R, u really do. As much
as i try not to think abt all that, as much as i try to put up a
bold front.........u somehow manage to scare me. may be its not
ur fault........but i just cant help it. i am extremely sorry, but.....
dont bother R, this will pass, just go and attend ur presentation...
all the best !!
I suddenly remembered, why in my first mail to u, i had replied
something like "not interested in emotional attachments".
I think i am beginning to understand u.....or at least
"somethings" abt u. hmmmm, aaj tahole ekhanei shesh
korchi, aar jalabo na.



kband - I had resolved - no gaan, no gyan. But these have been
my achilles heel, my anchors in life. Without them, there's
nothing but emptiness within me and there's no better feeling
than surrendering at the altar of my weaknesses. I couldn't also
abruptly stop writing to you, I do realize what our mails mean
to us....that's the only way perhaps to mitigate the pain. You
need not worry at all about causing any hurt to me, I have
developed an immunity from it, believe me. While I do anything
with passion, at the same time I am capable of insulating myself
from my environment with an impermeable layer. Now that's
enough of I, me and my ego trip....
Thanks for the e-greetings sent by you, it was really cute, quite
like you. Its form, content, expressions, characterised every
nuance of your alluring self! I'm not very sure what your name
means, your Baba will know better, but maybe it stands for
merger - an intermingling of the forces of nature! Whatever it
means, you've got to be "leaner" but of course, never "mum" :-)
Keep your spirits soaring, that's what everyone needs from you,
and go for your dreams - you can count me among your well-
wishers always...aaro kichchu nahi chai go.....



lea - Dear R, Sorry abt everything, also for not able to give u ur
surprise.........may be some other time.....when u call me and i am
not in office. But then u cant call me after your office hrs even i
cant so ........ the surprise will have to wait. last but not the least,
amaake ebhabe call korte thakle tomar chakrita kintu jaabe,
unless u r some dada in ur company. kenoi ba amaake ebhabe
call koro bujhi na. chhata, kichui to bujhi na, othocho bondhutto
korar shokh holo. aaro hajar-ta loke to e-friendship kore, koi tader
friends-ra to tader roj roj call korena? sheikhanei to bhoy hoy........
keno call koro amaake ? off eshob boleo abaar bipod, hoyto call-i
korbe na aar. na korlei ba ki ? amar boyei geche :-))
achcha shobai jaante paarle tokhon ki hobe?
***************************************************
Ei R, ke boleche aami shobai-ke golap pathai ? abaar goendagiri
shuru korecho , bhable bhoy peye jaabo? Aami kauke golap pathai
na except for my fiance. Ebaar theke tomakeo pathabo naaki?
Aar amaar maalir khoje tomar ki dorkaar? bhalo kotha mone
koriye dile: 2002 val's day i gave flowers to all my male
colleagues in the US. u should have seen their faces, they were
so shocked!! most were getting flowers for the first time. one more
thing, i dont think val's day is meant only for lovers, its meant for
spreading love- could be even ur parents! And thanks for the
license to say anything...........ebaar moja paabe !!
btw, amaar monta tomar ontoronger kon stage-e ache?


(to be continued)