Expectations

(continued from the previous post dated 5th June, '06)
I grew increasingly restless on not being able to spend sufficient time
with her, owing to a variety of reasons. The uneasiness blanked out
my sense of reasoning and drove me to calamitous despair.


kband - When this mail finds u, u should be back in duty hopefully
after a languid weekend and ready to take on the outside world
with your characteristic zeal and blithe spirit. The hysteria on
Isabel would have died down and you must be looking forward to
new challenges, newer horizons, a bright new future - free from
claustrophobic dimensions in your life ! I'll not be waiting at the
entrance to greet you on arrival anymore.
On the last few occasions that I've met you, I could observe
perceptible changes in your attitude, which however subtle they
may be, have been unable to escape my rotten attention. Perhaps
your being was seeking a release from the shackles of such obdurate
attention, perhaps there were other demands including work which
kept u away. It could also well be that all these are figments of my
imagination spurred by my impossible expectations of finding an
unknown destiny. Would never know.
Be assured, i've enjoyed every moment of our intimate
association. You were like that bird which came with the song of
happiness in my window. You delighted me with your charms,
your passion, your unique zest for life. I forgot my woes, so much
so, that I began to believe that we were 'almost' there. But then I
realised that you belong to the open blue skies, your wings must
be craving to soar higher and higher into the realms of perennial
ecstasy. So go my sweet and find your space under the sun. Take
along with you my warm caresses, soft memories and best wishes.
I read that if you are capable of kissing while you are driving, you
are not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. In this age of
multi-tasking, somewhere we seem to have become unintentional
slaves to the plethora of needs and give quality of time the short
shrift. I had tried to focus solely on you while you were with me,
why on earth did it have to get blurred...........
I'll be there with you always, in one desolate corner of your heart.
Reading your mails have been a pleasure, I'll write to you in the
hope that you may reply in your mellifluous style and I can read
them over and over again while I look back with fondness. I may
even bump into you on odd occasions, just to catch up with what's
been happening in our respective worlds.
Till then, goodbye and take care. Give my love to your little one also.



ash - I'm highly shocked and extremely disheartened to read ur
mail. I already had set my mind to ask you today what you meant
by the words you signed off with on friday -'Dont think u need me
anymore'....whats with this assumption, rather its ur conclusion I
see. Just where did i go wrong and what kinda changes have you
observed in my attitude and what did you sense that something is
amiss? I agree in the last few days I've been a bit preoccupied with
work and havent been able to spend quality time with you nor write
to you in length, but when have I been edgy and hypervigilient?
Remember it takes 2 to a tango so you cant totally hold me
responsible for this void as you think. The thing that hurt me most
is that even without confronting me abt ur doubts u gave up on me.
You've decided to move on and follow through with your plan of not
seeing me even though I felt no such unrest about our association.
One thing I have yet to decide is if you are the emotionally inept
one, running away as soon as that first spark fades. or am I the
emotionally inept one clinging on to this association which seems
failing...Doesn't surprise me that you decided to move on, Im
used to being dumped and heck somebody talked abt eternity....
Hearts were made to be broken and I've finally realized mine is no
exception. Take care and thanks for the many good times you've
given me.


(to be continued)