Misty Mornings

(continued from the previous post dated Feb 16th, '06)
During early mornings, when I logged in, sometimes used to meet
an interesting person - a quiet and reserved lady from Toronto. She
initially suspected my intentions of trying to get friendly with her,
and I had to make extra efforts to assuage her everytime. It used to
be way past midnight at her end, leaving me wondering about her
situation at home. I sent her more than a couple of mails till she
finally replied.



sim - Hi .....I think i did receive ur email b4 but since i was looking
for ur regular id, I did not notice ur name and probably deleted it.
Anyway, I am glad u sent it again. It's such a sweet email......wish
life was as simple. Well finally we are able to communicate aside
from chat so now u can let me know when u are around.



kband - Poof! Thats what seemed to happen when u decided to quit
today. All of a sudden, all the lights went out and the room was
shrouded in total darkness. there was chaos in the mind, not knowing
whether to stay still and wait for the glow to return, or run around
and look for the incandescence. and the thoughts kept ringing, what
could have gone wrong, did i say something???
hope the sunshine of the new day throws some light so that the
shadows disappear once for all. tomorrow will be a busy day, coz of
the meetings, hope to bump into u soon. bye



sim - Aap se mulaquat hue bahut din ho gaye....hope i get to see u
tonight. I will be here for next half hour then will hit the sack. For
the last few days I have been going to bed early....too exhausted to
stay up late. I did come online i think three days back but did not
see u.....waited and waited but no sign of u :(. Hope to see u soon....



kband - ???
wanted to talk to u badly today, and u left without much ado. feeling
miserable, wish u cud come bak even for few mins.



sim - just question marks :( ....ek sentence to likh dete. I donno what
u mean by ??? Anyway, will know when i see u. I am sorry I don't
think I will be able to come online tonight...just logged in for few mins
to send u an email in case u might be waiting. Sorry about that yaar,
just some obligations that i have to tend to. It's a long weekend here
and it looks like tomorrow night will be spent at my parents for dinner.
I might be late in coming or I might not be able to..... though I wud like
to. Take care.
*************************************************************
I have been waiting for last 20 mins for u to log back in but it seems
that u r unable to do so or else u wud have by now. I was hoping to
chat for long as tomorrow is a holiday but it seems that is not possible.
I will check to see if u made it b4 I sign off for the night. If i don't .....
will be thinking of u.



kband - wont be office throughout the day tomorrow. so will perhaps
miss the golden opportunity to meet a gem of a person :-( keep those
precious thoughts securely stored till we meet again.



sim - Kaise hain aap? Bahut din ho gaye aap se chat kiye aur na he koi
email aaya. Lagta hai aap ko chance nahi milla online aane ka.....must
be pretty busy. I came online couple of times....waited for a while but
no sign of u :(. It's always a pleasure chatting with u....looking forward
to seeing u online soon.
*************************************************************
Happy Diwali !!! Wishing You the Best.............. Hope u and ur family
have a wonderful time.
I waited for u for over an hour the last time but there was no sign of
u :( and u r right about y'day.... honestly I had no strength to turn the
pc on. Aaj toh aap ghar per honge....I don't think I will get a chance
to chat with u tonight. Perhaps if possible we can chat saturday
morning ur time......... if not then wud luv to see an email from u.
It's nice to read ur emails :)).
************************************************************
Aap ka email hum abhi parhe. Last night I couldn't get the email to
open up so didn't know that u might be coming online for a short while.
It was just a hi/bye in the passing.....wanted to spend a bit more time
but as u mentioned u had to leave for the meeting. I could have tried
to come back online after an hour but since today is the first fast and
if I had stayed up late then I wouldn't have been able to get up early
for sahr. I donno what kind of attachment it is but it feels nice to be
able to chat with you. Somehow the bonds made here seem more dear
than the real friends. I find myself chatting with u more openly about
my personal life which I don't do with anyone aside for my family.
Well it seems friday it is until we meet again. Take care.



kband - Last time around, same day last week, when i had decided
to send u a mail to enquire about your absence, u showed up!! today
too, was hoping that history would repeat itself, but perhaps good
things come rationed in life :-) so, my wait becomes further
prolonged and my thoughts can only be poured out in this mail...
i recall u had said sumthin abt taking the kids to niagara falls for
x-mas, wud like to hear about it. the shopping mania during these
last days of the year are also stretching ur working hours, i know.
as for me, we have company at home now in the form of my mom-
in-law and my wife's maternal uncle who have come on a 10-day
trip from kolkata. so visits to-and-fro of realtives at delhi have been
on the upswing, as well as trips to the markets. all in all, things are
busier than usual and pleasurable particularly for our daughter,
whoz enjoying her holidays now. tomorrow she performs a song
recital in a cultural function organised by our firm.i realise its pretty
cold there, but hope the mist clears soon and the diva appears
shimmering with her soft and vibrant hues...




sim - Itne din hogaye aap se baat nahi huwi. Hope all is well at ur end.
Hame aaj kal waqt nahi milta online aane ka. He is using the computer
at the time I used to come online and I haven't been successful in
staying up until after he is done. I miss talking to u......somehow the
heart and mind felt light being able to share things with u and knowing
that u understand. You have been a dear friend and I truly value that
a lot. Hope to see u soon online. miss ya.


(to be continued)

Flowing with the Tide

(continued from the previous post dated Feb 8th '06)
She sent me her photograph and I was fascinated to notice how
closely she resembled Rina Roy, the actress of yester-years! It
was also the first time that somebody sent me her photo this
way. I couldfathom her difficulty in keeping in regular touch and
though we triedseveral approaches, none seemed to be that
effective. The best we could do under the circumstances, was to
flow with the tide.


kband - so we have a royal dilemma. first, how and whether to cope
up with the rigorous demands of your new job. i see in your situation
a similarity in what my sister faced some years ago. she had recd
montessori training before marriage, but had not taken up her
career seriously. add to it the pulls of marital life and she was
spending most of her time confined at home. but circumstances
willed otherwise (her husband lost his job tragically) and they
were forced to shift to bangalore from calcutta in search of
livelihood. she also had to take up a job in a local school which she
did with reluctance. initially, adjusting to the school's system
proved difficult and she had all the teething troubles as you have
mentioned. but somehow she managed to overcome all that and
now really loves her job. so much so that even after the birth of her
second daughter recently, she's unable to remain at home and
wants to rejoin at the earliest! so i feel that if you are determined
to pursue this career, which i'm sure you are, don't let the pressure
weigh you down. at this point of your life you have abundant
energy and willpower (can make out by your tupperware initiative)
which you must exploit to the hilt and carve out a future for
yourself. it will pay you rich dividends, let me assure you,
financially, emotionally and socially. isn't that what one wants from
life?
i dont know which part of me appears to be vague to you coz i seem
to have fed you with all kinds of trivia already. my daughter,
holds all promises for the future for me/us and we're doing our
best to support her into becoming a good individual. i've already
admitted that i'm not very good at self-promotion, unless
prodded. so if there's anything you find intriguing, do let me know.
you're right, msn access is also difficult for me at office. but i can
do it once in a while from a separate pc (i cant download any
software like yahoo there, but i'll still check).
till we meet again, let's remain in touch over mails (write only
when you get time). take care.



ena - Ur letter reached me at the most appropriate time.
yesterday I was feeling very low and suddenly felt the need to meet
my net friends. none was online but ur mail was awaiting me. i too
always knew that this is a passing period and I will feel better as
and when I will get accustomed but u know somedays we r too tired
to think wisely. another thing is that I was happier at the school I
was previously. in this school I don’t have friends. everyone seems
so busy and engrossed in their work that they don't even have time
to smile at each other! and when it can't be avoided they smile in
such a way as if they r forced to do that.
do keep writing. i wait for ur mails so eagerly. when I said that u r
vague I wanted u to tell me the complete details abt things in ur life
n not just a mention. like u can tell me abt ur college days. ur friends
and peers. ur ideas and ideals. ur parents. now for example I know
that u were at siliguri n didn’t like it that much but I wud like u to
tell me abt ur school teachers, the roads, flowers and other such silly
things. just let urself flow with the tide while typing mails to me. but
of course, only if u want to.



kband - sorry i didn't get ur mail in time to catch up with u. normally
i login fm office (till abt 6.30/7 PM) so hope to be with u during that
time whenever u are available. otherwise, in keeping with ur wishes,
i have installed yahoo on my pc. add me and lets have another
glorious encounter! but i'm not online always - for that kindly take
the trouble of sending me a mail whenever u want to have instant
interaction. if i'm in office, it'll be a pleasure for me to have ur
company.



ena - thanks for taking so much trouble to get registered with yahoo.
i too created an id at msn but then was not able to open it again
within 10 days ...so that must have expired. what to do yaar.
nowadays its just not possible for me to login. n hey i sent that mail
at 7pm. but u were not there. hmmm. wish u were here now, but its
too late....10pm. i m at my pa's office with him. i m here for rakhi.
and where is that long mail i requested for. send it quick.



kband - well u do seem to drop in once in a while at pretty odd hours,
but a variety of earthly matters keep me away from your heavenly
company! all i get later is a room full of tell-tale signs of ur presence
and the sweet fragrance which u have left behind which lingers on
long after u have graced it.........i'm just back from mumbai where
i'd been for a short official trip. the evenings there are packed with
dandiya programs at every nook and corner. do u participate too in
such frolic during navratri? while at nasik, i've swayed to the
rhythmic beats a few times, but what captivated my senses even
more were the pirouetting damsels in those dazzling lehnga-cholis
and other colourful attires. the heart really pounded if there was an
occasional locking of glances but the overall serenity of the setting
eventually took over the senses. durga puja, our biggest festival,
begins today and we look forward to 3-4 days of fun and enter-
-tainment here. office is also closed for the rest of the week. my
parents, who have now come here from calcutta, would get a
different flavour of the pujas away from home. more later, u take
care and write whenever u get time.



ena - ya i got ur mail..sending u the proof. ;-) so u were away. n
here i was thinking that its me who is unable to reach. n to add
salt to my wounds u have been enjoying garba also. poor me. tried
so hard but couldnt go to those garba n dandiya dances. but what
is this abt pounding of hearts yaar. still feel like a single man?
naughty naughty. or may be those damsels really were so pretty.
hey let me wish u many happy moments on durga puja. may u get
to hear a lot of rabindra sangeet. hey why dont u send me some
lyrics translated in english or hindi. so that i can also enjoy them.
one more wish i have....i havent read Geetanjali. and i m going to
bhilai today. to my inlaws,will be back by tomorrow evening. but
as u r not going to be online till then so i wont be missed.
going to be busy next week. bhabhi's delivery due on 8th. then
chairman's coming on 6th n 7th. declaration of results is due on 11th..
pray for me that i will survive all that. bye


(to be continued)

Lonely Souls and Tupperware Bowls

(continued from the previous post dated 18th Jan '06)
Intermittently we used to chat whenever possible and send mails
once in a while. There were occasions when we had conversations
over the phone too. I realised one of the prime reasons for her
feeling lonely was the absence of a cherubic angel in her life - she
was childless even after years of marriage! Her mails reflected her
silent agony as I wished miracles would happen.


kband - i'm very fond of tagore songs (in fact most bengalis are)
and i'm yet to come across such a complete repertoire of poetic
expressions that one can always fall back on for depicting one's
moods and feelings. and its this mutual love and admiration of
gurudev tagore that brought me close to a person on the net.
though she was much younger to me and unmarried too, we
shared similar interests and liked to write to each other quite a
lot (na umr ki seema ho....) it turned out that she was engaged to
somebody and would get married the next year. i had used my
ingenuity to find out where she worked, lived, etc. and that
fascinated her - she'd even written that she'd like to meet me at
cal....but her fiance did not approve of the goings-on and that
prompted her to sever all links! nevertheless i decided to meet her
at cal, to remove any shreds of doubt, mystery n curiosity that
both of us probably possessed. it seemed to be a happy occasion
(i was relieved too) and i assured her that i'll never meet her again.
our association spanned 21 days and every bit of it will remain
beautifully etched in my memory. it was on the last day that i'd
revealed to her that i had a lovely six-year old daughter, who
meant everything to me....



ena - hi ,i got 2 mails from u n hence it will only be fair if i send u
2 in return. first of all tell me do u write? not office ledgers yaar.
write as authors or poets do. do u? coz i strongly feel that u have
a writer in u. hey from where have u done ur B Tech? n in which
branch. i sent u a mail on 9th june. did u get that one? coz in ur
next mail theres no mention of it or any other thing i said in that
mail.
with all that shopping n again more shopping is making me feel
that delhi market is not good enough for wify. or is she shopping
for exclusive bong sarees n kurtas? last evening i befriended a
neighbour ..shez a bong too n her hubby is at siliguri right now.
at some wine factory. another lady who is of my age is from
Bokaro. with a chubby 7 month old son. who is sooooooo cute.
always smiling n giggling. i had this strong urge to bite his cheeks.
sigh but had to curb my feelings. dont think either he or his
momma r going to like my violent behaviour.
hey tell me abt ur daughter na. in my last mail i told u that my
utopia always takes me to mountains. i dont like being near
water as i dont know how to swim. n that constant call of sea..not
soothing for me. for me slow breeze...water running thru valleys..
birds chirping..wild flowers tall trees n the sun peeping from
behind. vast green grassy land..as far as one can see. n rain.
hmmmmm. strangely u spent most of ur life close to mountains
n u long for sea. why so?were u at some boarding school? n u still
feel lonely when it rains. do u miss someone from those times? i
too used to feel very lonely n depressed during rains but not any
more. only sometimes. mostly evenings. if i m alone. i never got
the chance to stay in a hostel. i really wanted to. still do. i want to
be on my own. take care of myself. n live life the way i want to. but
i guess that phase is over now. with responsibilities one has to
change outlook n adjust. do u ever feel lonely even among crowds?



kband - Thank u for spreading your sweet fragrance in my
obnoxious existence once again. It sure has done a world of good
to my drooping spirit and has got the adrenalin pumpin back in
my veins! I thought u were tellin me about school, have u got a
job again? Thats great news, even if u haven't keep up ur efforts.
Your resolve n love for children will soon bring u closer to your
goal. I'm back to normal routine life at Delhi, though its difficult to
get back in the groove after a long break. Next time we'll have to
think of a change in the set pattern. All leave gets exhausted this
way, n dont have any time for leisure travel. You wont believe, in
the six years now at Delhi we've never been anywhere except
Jaipur! Sad no? Of course we have conferences in exotic locations
like Ooty, Kodaikanal, Port Blair, etc. but thats different.
Are you the only child of your parents? I've done my engg from
IIT Kharagpur (thought i told u on the first day) n then took up a
job at Nasik. Next halt was at Calcutta before coming to Delhi.
Recently bought a flat here, seem to be well settled...but somethin
is missing...the pieces in the jigsaw just dont seem to fall in place
to present a beautiful picture. Trying hard to put together the
missing pieces, at times getting desperate too....Thats the story so
far, baki kahani phir kabhi.



ena - hi, its been a long time since i have sent u a mail. i know i
have been talking abt my new school n how busy have i become
ever since i joined it. but what to do. coz its the sole reason i m not
able to come to the net anymore. hafta get up at 6 n then when i
come back at 2.30 just cant move myself,n go to some cafe. all i
then long for is the bed. n only after few good hours of sleep m i
able to get in action again. n by action i mean getting prepared
again for next day. when i started working last year, my motto
was to get myself engaged in a constructive manner. coz i felt that
my mind was rotting just sitting like that at home. so i joined a
school. but i have never bargained for what i m doing this session.
this new school follows ICSE pattern. n thus we r always on alert
and on a tightrope. the HM is a very impressive lady. we all
admire her capabilities very much. she has her eyes on every
thing. n for her even montessory classes r as much important as
any of the senior secondary one is. the method of teaching, the
pattern of checking copies, how we r explaining things..she
monitors everything. thats commendable yaar. work is very
strenuous for us here. but one thing i have to accept that its also a
growing up experience for me. i was not so good with lil kids. now i
m learning. i m learning to be more patient.more organised, i have
to do some planning. n have to do crafts. n so many more other
things. n yes i forgot to mention abt my cursive writing. its getting
polished. i never wrote in a cursive writing...now i have to do it.
this year the school has organised a tour of Mauritius for students.
unfortunately its not for us pre-primary teachers. otherwise i
would have loved to go. made some frens also but need to be
careful with old teachers. some egos r very delicate here.
what more to say abt myself. all i do is school work. dont even
remember when i last saw a good movie. i wonder how others
manage yaar, they even take tuitions, n r able to do all the usual
things. i need to learn more time management. but one thing i can
say for sure that i have learned to value my free time ever since i
started working and now i dont feel bad if someone asks me ..what
do u do?
well enough abt myself. what abt u? how r u doing. how is life? and
everyone in family? i miss our chats so much. i really wish that i
could interact more. but wishes dont always come true. reply soon.
coz i will be waiting eagerly. see u soon. take care n bye.



kband - server in office has blocked access to chat sites, so your
world is out of bounds for me :( mail is the only window thru
which i can take a little peek so i'll be obliged if u dont deny me
access. otherwise things are ok, life goes on....



ena - may be i was sounding enthralled but the truth is that it is
also a very tiring job. n never goes a day when i dont think abt
quitting. sheer fear of being a failure is keeping me back. but yes
they r forcing me to do things i was avoiding for long, like
painting. we have to paint a lot to make cutouts n charts n
posters for teaching aids. concerning the chapters we r teaching.
so i have held a brush after a long time. thats a good news. n also
i m forced to be more organised. plan things ahead. n meet
deadlines. i stay awake as late as 1 so that i can complete the
work i m doing or finish checking copies. i never was like that.
then my english is getting better as we have to converse in
english only. n i think i already mentioned something abt patience
in my last mail. another thing i started just yesterday is
tupperware. became a dealer for them. n they r gonna teach me
how to keep books. something i used to hate. u know i m not even
efficient enough to keep doodhwala's hisaab. n now i've become a
dealer for tupperware. dunno whats gonna happen. but i got my
first customer today itself. sold an oil tumbler to one of my frens.
hope she will like the products. hey one thing i wanna say to u...
can u be a lil more elaborate? u told me many things abt urself
but in a very vague manner. nothing is clear. i m a lil dumb u
know. so help me understand u. one more favour to ask..can u
open an acct at yahoo messenger? MSN baffles me if yahoo gives
u trouble then i will open an acct for u...but no chat sites for u na?
then how r u going to access MSN? hotmail guys closed my acc
there. what to do now?


(to be continued)