Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Lonely Souls and Tupperware Bowls

(continued from the previous post dated 18th Jan '06)
Intermittently we used to chat whenever possible and send mails
once in a while. There were occasions when we had conversations
over the phone too. I realised one of the prime reasons for her
feeling lonely was the absence of a cherubic angel in her life - she
was childless even after years of marriage! Her mails reflected her
silent agony as I wished miracles would happen.


kband - i'm very fond of tagore songs (in fact most bengalis are)
and i'm yet to come across such a complete repertoire of poetic
expressions that one can always fall back on for depicting one's
moods and feelings. and its this mutual love and admiration of
gurudev tagore that brought me close to a person on the net.
though she was much younger to me and unmarried too, we
shared similar interests and liked to write to each other quite a
lot (na umr ki seema ho....) it turned out that she was engaged to
somebody and would get married the next year. i had used my
ingenuity to find out where she worked, lived, etc. and that
fascinated her - she'd even written that she'd like to meet me at
cal....but her fiance did not approve of the goings-on and that
prompted her to sever all links! nevertheless i decided to meet her
at cal, to remove any shreds of doubt, mystery n curiosity that
both of us probably possessed. it seemed to be a happy occasion
(i was relieved too) and i assured her that i'll never meet her again.
our association spanned 21 days and every bit of it will remain
beautifully etched in my memory. it was on the last day that i'd
revealed to her that i had a lovely six-year old daughter, who
meant everything to me....



ena - hi ,i got 2 mails from u n hence it will only be fair if i send u
2 in return. first of all tell me do u write? not office ledgers yaar.
write as authors or poets do. do u? coz i strongly feel that u have
a writer in u. hey from where have u done ur B Tech? n in which
branch. i sent u a mail on 9th june. did u get that one? coz in ur
next mail theres no mention of it or any other thing i said in that
mail.
with all that shopping n again more shopping is making me feel
that delhi market is not good enough for wify. or is she shopping
for exclusive bong sarees n kurtas? last evening i befriended a
neighbour ..shez a bong too n her hubby is at siliguri right now.
at some wine factory. another lady who is of my age is from
Bokaro. with a chubby 7 month old son. who is sooooooo cute.
always smiling n giggling. i had this strong urge to bite his cheeks.
sigh but had to curb my feelings. dont think either he or his
momma r going to like my violent behaviour.
hey tell me abt ur daughter na. in my last mail i told u that my
utopia always takes me to mountains. i dont like being near
water as i dont know how to swim. n that constant call of sea..not
soothing for me. for me slow breeze...water running thru valleys..
birds chirping..wild flowers tall trees n the sun peeping from
behind. vast green grassy land..as far as one can see. n rain.
hmmmmm. strangely u spent most of ur life close to mountains
n u long for sea. why so?were u at some boarding school? n u still
feel lonely when it rains. do u miss someone from those times? i
too used to feel very lonely n depressed during rains but not any
more. only sometimes. mostly evenings. if i m alone. i never got
the chance to stay in a hostel. i really wanted to. still do. i want to
be on my own. take care of myself. n live life the way i want to. but
i guess that phase is over now. with responsibilities one has to
change outlook n adjust. do u ever feel lonely even among crowds?



kband - Thank u for spreading your sweet fragrance in my
obnoxious existence once again. It sure has done a world of good
to my drooping spirit and has got the adrenalin pumpin back in
my veins! I thought u were tellin me about school, have u got a
job again? Thats great news, even if u haven't keep up ur efforts.
Your resolve n love for children will soon bring u closer to your
goal. I'm back to normal routine life at Delhi, though its difficult to
get back in the groove after a long break. Next time we'll have to
think of a change in the set pattern. All leave gets exhausted this
way, n dont have any time for leisure travel. You wont believe, in
the six years now at Delhi we've never been anywhere except
Jaipur! Sad no? Of course we have conferences in exotic locations
like Ooty, Kodaikanal, Port Blair, etc. but thats different.
Are you the only child of your parents? I've done my engg from
IIT Kharagpur (thought i told u on the first day) n then took up a
job at Nasik. Next halt was at Calcutta before coming to Delhi.
Recently bought a flat here, seem to be well settled...but somethin
is missing...the pieces in the jigsaw just dont seem to fall in place
to present a beautiful picture. Trying hard to put together the
missing pieces, at times getting desperate too....Thats the story so
far, baki kahani phir kabhi.



ena - hi, its been a long time since i have sent u a mail. i know i
have been talking abt my new school n how busy have i become
ever since i joined it. but what to do. coz its the sole reason i m not
able to come to the net anymore. hafta get up at 6 n then when i
come back at 2.30 just cant move myself,n go to some cafe. all i
then long for is the bed. n only after few good hours of sleep m i
able to get in action again. n by action i mean getting prepared
again for next day. when i started working last year, my motto
was to get myself engaged in a constructive manner. coz i felt that
my mind was rotting just sitting like that at home. so i joined a
school. but i have never bargained for what i m doing this session.
this new school follows ICSE pattern. n thus we r always on alert
and on a tightrope. the HM is a very impressive lady. we all
admire her capabilities very much. she has her eyes on every
thing. n for her even montessory classes r as much important as
any of the senior secondary one is. the method of teaching, the
pattern of checking copies, how we r explaining things..she
monitors everything. thats commendable yaar. work is very
strenuous for us here. but one thing i have to accept that its also a
growing up experience for me. i was not so good with lil kids. now i
m learning. i m learning to be more patient.more organised, i have
to do some planning. n have to do crafts. n so many more other
things. n yes i forgot to mention abt my cursive writing. its getting
polished. i never wrote in a cursive writing...now i have to do it.
this year the school has organised a tour of Mauritius for students.
unfortunately its not for us pre-primary teachers. otherwise i
would have loved to go. made some frens also but need to be
careful with old teachers. some egos r very delicate here.
what more to say abt myself. all i do is school work. dont even
remember when i last saw a good movie. i wonder how others
manage yaar, they even take tuitions, n r able to do all the usual
things. i need to learn more time management. but one thing i can
say for sure that i have learned to value my free time ever since i
started working and now i dont feel bad if someone asks me ..what
do u do?
well enough abt myself. what abt u? how r u doing. how is life? and
everyone in family? i miss our chats so much. i really wish that i
could interact more. but wishes dont always come true. reply soon.
coz i will be waiting eagerly. see u soon. take care n bye.



kband - server in office has blocked access to chat sites, so your
world is out of bounds for me :( mail is the only window thru
which i can take a little peek so i'll be obliged if u dont deny me
access. otherwise things are ok, life goes on....



ena - may be i was sounding enthralled but the truth is that it is
also a very tiring job. n never goes a day when i dont think abt
quitting. sheer fear of being a failure is keeping me back. but yes
they r forcing me to do things i was avoiding for long, like
painting. we have to paint a lot to make cutouts n charts n
posters for teaching aids. concerning the chapters we r teaching.
so i have held a brush after a long time. thats a good news. n also
i m forced to be more organised. plan things ahead. n meet
deadlines. i stay awake as late as 1 so that i can complete the
work i m doing or finish checking copies. i never was like that.
then my english is getting better as we have to converse in
english only. n i think i already mentioned something abt patience
in my last mail. another thing i started just yesterday is
tupperware. became a dealer for them. n they r gonna teach me
how to keep books. something i used to hate. u know i m not even
efficient enough to keep doodhwala's hisaab. n now i've become a
dealer for tupperware. dunno whats gonna happen. but i got my
first customer today itself. sold an oil tumbler to one of my frens.
hope she will like the products. hey one thing i wanna say to u...
can u be a lil more elaborate? u told me many things abt urself
but in a very vague manner. nothing is clear. i m a lil dumb u
know. so help me understand u. one more favour to ask..can u
open an acct at yahoo messenger? MSN baffles me if yahoo gives
u trouble then i will open an acct for u...but no chat sites for u na?
then how r u going to access MSN? hotmail guys closed my acc
there. what to do now?


(to be continued)

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