Express-ions Unlimited

(continued from previous post dated 23rd March)
The fast one that I pulled on her about my fictitious
birthday, actually helped in accelerating the momentum
of our exchanges. The eagerness to read and reply to
each others' mails reached hilarious proportions.

kband - I was getting used to starting the day with a
dosage of your mail, so had no other option but to file a
Missing complaint with Lalbazar :
Name : Madhuri alias lea alias M alias many other
Residence : Global citizen presently in Calcutta
Profession : Cook, singer and everything else
Description : Big black innocent eyes with long curly hair
Sex : prefers not to say!!
Likes : to eat chocolates
Dislikes : people mis-pronouncing her name, a particular
guy, etc.
Distinctive feature : wears nose-studs (sometimes)
Last seen : outside Shoppers Stop applying mehndi
If found, kindly pesuade the absconding person to send
a mail asap.



lea - Hahahahaha ! Oh my god, u r simply amazing, i have
people staring at me this moment because i am laughing
out loud (all ur fault). But I object at u leaving a particular
column blank, Iwas beginning to think thats the whole
crux of this"date". And who's the "particular" guy I dislike
..... does thename start with R ? You've been so clever to
put together all the pieces uhave on me........good work !
Wait till u see what I have to say on you - u r very
naughty, that what u r ! oh, btw, i dont wear nose studs..
i had worn them for a few days when i was in delhi doing
my grad, many years back. but very eager to try them
again. but how it would look on an old lady like me... i am
not very sure. any comments ?
Where the hell r u ??? I've sent you 3 mails, and i have
wished u too ! Since them i am waiting waiting and
waiting. May be this is another trick to find out how i
long to receive ur mails ! Khoob baje !



kband - My un-Fair Lady ! Firstly, let me thank you
for warm wishes. So hearing you sing will remain a
distant dream, chalo dekha jayega. But why do u want
to hear me sing in a local train begging for alms ? The only
thing I seek from you - majhe majhe praney tomar porosh
khani diyo..Don't try to confuse me with your age M, you
tried in the beginning but it did not work :-)) I've done a
reality check already, remember which class you were in
when you went to see "Octopussy" ? Simple maths,
elementary my dear Watson ! The present theory I'm
working on is when you came to Calcutta - a little bird
tells me that it couldn't be too many months back, am I
right ? Ohh, I have to be extra careful in not hurting
this old lady (sweet, gullible girl)!!!!I'm worried about
losing my phone no. coz one thing leads to another and
very soon I may be deprived of my precious possessions
:-)) Incidentally, that column (Missing) was not kept
vague, the innuendo referred to exactly what has been
indicated in your profile ! Just joking, it's all ur fault now
with that dustu-mishti provocation.
Be careful of another 35+ weirdo !



lea - Oh Rana, U r really dushtu ! The "prefer not to say"
was for something else and u turned it into.....ooof...dhatt!
Aapnar shonge para khoob kothin.....but i will not admit
defeat so soon. My apologies for wanting to hear u sing
as a beggar, chee chee, i didnt mean it R, I am sorry.
Hope u didnt feel bad. Praner porosh.......i really dont
know how much and what i can offer, but if my mails give
you some peace........i'll feel honoured. ok ok, i am not 42.
But i am not going to tell you anything abt how long i've
lived here etc ....let me see how clever u r ! as it is u didnt
tell me how long u've lived in delhi. So Mr.Weirdo ;-))
r u also looking for a short/long term relationship ;-))
hee hee ! just kidding! u didnt answer me regarding my
e-dating those other men who are so painstakingly
mailing me daily. please advise. ur reference to holmes,
makes me remember the times when i wanted to marry
him ! if only he existed in real, or at least virtually
(like u ;-)). i had even written a small story where i visit
Sherlock holmes and interview him, and he plays the
violin for me, andi fall in love with him. now, its time for
u to laugh! R, have u watched "my fair lady"? in my next
birth i would be born as a british lady, a very rich person's
wife and i would go to the queen's ball wearing a red
gown, and a flashing necklace of 25 large rubies !
u r sure to lose one thing if i keep writing this mail-
ur head ! so bye bye for now.....M
P.S. - Apnake porosh deowar bodole aami ki paabo ?
remember the "quid pro quo" ?



kband - My dear M, porosher bodoley aar ki ditey pari,
dharosh cholbey? :-)) I didn't realise that u were serious
about my other competitors. Maybe u ought to give
them a fair chance. Call them to your rendezvous, one at
a time or together (as u like it), wear your red gown n
rubies, sing a nice song and serve them some Badam
milk. Then watch the fun ! And I'm going to watch some
more fun when I tell ur wonderful fiance about ur
escapades. As it is u r turning out to be quite a
Draupadi - wanting to marry all those Tom Hanks,
Big B, Mr Holmes, et al.
Sorry Cinderella, instead of the ladiesfinger I should
have offered u a pumpkin which could then fulfil ur
wish of going to a ball in a horse-drawn carriage ! Me
thinks u've had an overdose of the Mills-n-Boon stuff.
Wake up, there are lots of crazy guys knocking at your
door....I'm not much of a foodie, I've upset lotsa people
bcoz of that. Like I freeze at the idea of going to India
Gate at 1 AM to have ice-cream ! So u c, my warts n
moles hv begun to show ;-)) You don't even hv to try
to beat me, I'm a completely lost soul ! And remember
- "Don't walk behind me, I may not be able to lead.
Don't walk ahead of me, I may not be able to follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend".
Khoob kharap loker khopporey porecho Madhuri,
aamar shorbonash korey bhebecho eto sohojey paar
peye jabey ??? Now, don't get scared - bhoukta kutta
kaat-ta nahin :-)) Oh, I think the comparison was too
crude for comfort, anyway. I'd got mucked up with
preparing this stupid report about a meeting that we
had y'day but kept coming back to check out the
mailbox. Was able to browse thru all ur mails, but could
do nothing immediately even as I could well realize that
u r getting livid with rage. The woods are lovely dark and
deep, but.........
Hey, u know what - the current issue of Business Today
(25th May) carries an article about our activities, it's
titled "Firms in Arms". If u can catch hold of a copy,
see if it means anything. I really liked the lines penned
by u, it's you who's amazing, I'm sure many others would
have told u so ! As for me, I take things as they come and
as of now must confess to having a rollicking time with a
very special person - I couldn't have asked for anything
better today. A "Headless" R


(to be continued)